Technically Speaking
by Michelle Pruitt
Summary: Years from now people would say that Shepard only did what she had to do, but that didn't make her work any easier. Female Shepard, possible Shepard/Kaidan.
1. Chapter 1

Hey kids,

This is my first shot at Mass Effect fanfiction, so we'll see how it goes. Most of this fic will follow the game's storyline, but there will be some deviation. This is fanfiction, after all! I hope you all like it!

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Few people knew what it felt like to watch someone die.

First of all, time didn't slow down like it does in movies and books. Nothing stands still, not even for a moment. You have half a second to gather your wits, pull yourself together, and continue fighting for the cause that stole yet another's life. The crushing agony and realization of mortality will only serve to paralyze you, so you have to shove those thoughts aside unless you want to join the legion of lifeless corpses. There is no heroic music, no fanfare, no glory to be found in that bloody mess. There is only the thunderous pounding of your own heartbeat and the urgent need to stay alive.

Not many people knew what it was like to watch a close friend die, either.

Get the body, Shepard thought to herself. She dodged a bullet and ducked as a grenade soared over her head, trying to keep an eye out through the smoke and carnage for Ashley's characteristic white armor. Slain geth corpses lie everywhere, a figure like Ashley's should have been easy to spot. She had met Ashley's family once. She could recall the faces of her friends and family. She had dinner with them- a quirky lot they were, but they deserved to at least have the body of their loved one, right?

The thought escaped Shepard's mind faster than a man could drop dead. What could she possibly tell them? What could she say? "I'm sorry" wouldn't even come close to cutting it. "She died serving her country." No, that wouldn't do either. She died a dog's death, shot in the head because she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. She died because a split second decision had to be made, and in the end, someone had to die.

No, she couldn't tell them that. She dodged another array of bullets and ducked behind an overturned tank, taking the few precious seconds of cover to reload her weapon. The motions were so familiar to her, so basic, almost as natural as breathing. The action of loading, taking aim, and firing was nothing new. Taking life was nothing new.

Her hands shook as she remembered the first time she ever took a life. It was a Tuesday, a rather anticlimactic day for so much bloodshed. Everyone seemed so calm and serene, but not her. If anyone had told her that day she would rise to be an Alliance commander and a Spectre, the very picture of bravery, she would have laughed in their face. Sweat dripped into her eyes and her hands trembled so badly she knew she wouldn't be able to aim well. She wondered how long she would last in a real fight if she couldn't even aim. She remembered the way the seemingly calm landscape had looked when the enemy infantry crept over their hastily-constructed fortresses, permeating the haunting fog like a black disease. She remembered the way her heart plummeted into her chest when she finally came to terms with the fact that she would either have to kill another human, or be slaughtered by the enemy because of her moment of weakness.

"It's okay," they said, "it gets a little easier every time you do it."

They lied.

Lieutenant Kaidan's voice destroyed Shepard's reverie and brought her back to reality. "Commander, requesting permission to clear out."

Her dry throat caused her voice to crack just a little, the only sign of weakness she could afford to show. "Permission granted. Joker, bring the Normandy in."

"Roger that."

A massive airship dropped from the sky, pummeling the remaining enemy troops with superior firepower. Massive oak and palm trees strained against their roots as the gargantuan metal machine landed. Joker was right when he'd claimed to be the best pilot in the galaxy, when she'd first met the slightly abrasive pilot a month ago.

Was it really only a month? It seemed so much longer than that. So much had happened since then.

She started jogging towards her ship, wondering what the Council would say about the mission this time. Tactically, the mission was a success. It was a hard decision to make, but in the end, the correct choice was made. Ashley had known the risks when she joined the Alliance. She knew this could happen one day, she had been ready to fight for her life until the bitter end. She was aware of the risk of death. It was either her life or Kaidan's, and statistically Kaidan was the better soldier. Technically speaking, Shepard had made the right choice for her team.

However, this knowledge still didn't help dull the pain.

Shepard gazed out over the field, her eyes scanning the rotting corpses that were as numerous as the stars. Ashley, who had once been so full of life and vigor, was now nothing more than carpet for the dilapidated forest. Another casualty of war, another number to add to the ever growing list of fatalities. All because of a careless miscalculation, yet another soldier wouldn't return home ever again.

"I'm sorry, Ashley. I'm so, so sorry." The words, barely more than a whisper, were caught on the wind and absorbed by the desolate forest.

It was the last apology the world would ever hear from Commander Shepard.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey kiddos!!

Thanks so much for the support for this fic. I really appreciate the reviews and I'm grateful to whoever takes the time to write them.

Anyways, here's chapter 2. I'm still not quite happy with it, but can't exactly pinpoint what's wrong with it either, so I figured I'd just go ahead and post. Maybe after y'all read it and I get some feedback we can figure it out. Hope y'all enjoy!!

Chapter 2

Commander Shepard did not make house calls for just anybody.

She shuffled her feet awkwardly as she stood at the door of 1875 Magnolia Trace, a relatively average looking house with an anything but average family living inside. A welcome mat lay at Shepard's feet, brandishing the "Williams" title proudly for the entire world to see. Shepard couldn't help but sarcastically wonder how welcome she would truly be after she delivered the news of Ashley's death.

She had replayed the scene countless times in her head. There could be screaming and violence- this family was deeply rooted in the military, after all. There could be heartbreaking tears and agony. There could be quiet, simple reverie and remembrance of her life. There could be everything in the world, or nothing at all.

Shepard knew she should be spending her time following the various leads she had on Saren and his minions instead of comforting a grieving family. It was up to her, after all, to stop Saren from resurrecting the Reapers. Surely that was more important than making a simple house call, right? However, she couldn't get them out of her mind. She knew how much Ashley's family meant to her, and it felt wrong to simply let her death pass by without saying anything at all.

Shepard took a deep breath, reminding herself that after destroying countless Geth and being the only survivor from Akuze, a simple house call would be a piece of cake for her. She knew what to say, she had rehearsed it countless times. She wouldn't apologize, she would simply state the facts and let them make of it whatever they wanted.

No, she wouldn't apologize for doing what she had to do. Never again.

She raised her hand, created a fist, and rapped on the door a few times.

Instantaneously she heard a dog barking inside, and shuffling of feet as the house's inhabitants tried to do several things at once. It was a lively household, Shepard could tell that much. Again the guilt weighed on her, again she knew that she would be destroying yet another perfectly normal home.

It was better than not knowing, she told herself. Things like this happened. They would learn to live on, just like Shepard had so many times before.

A few moments later the door opened, and Shepard was greeted with the curious brown eyes of Ashley's younger sister, Sarah. It only took a moment for the bright young teenager to recognize the uniform and the countenance of the soldier on her doorstep.

"Commander Shepard!" Her eyes widened in surprise.

"Sarah," Shepard nodded, "Do you have a moment?"

Sarah's enthusiasm faltered for just a moment, she knew it couldn't be good news if Commander Shepard had paid them a visit without bringing Ashley along. She hid her fear well, however. She disguised her anxiety with a smile and her voice rang without the slightest quiver.

"Of course, come on inside."

She would make a good soldier someday, Shepard thought.

Sarah led Shepard to their modest living room and excused herself as she went to find the other family members. Shepard had hoped she wouldn't be invited in, she just wanted to deliver the news and be on her way. It was always harder to leave after one had been invited inside. She didn't want to seem rude, however, a galaxy had to be saved. She was the only one who could do it, the only one who would even try.

Within moments the family members trickled in. Sarah and Ashley's other sister was nowhere to be found, they explained, so it was only Sarah and her mother. They smiled and greeted her, however, there was an underlying air of apprehension. They knew what this visit was about. The family hadn't spent three generations in military employment for nothing, after all.

Without wasting a moment, Shepard began her story. She told them all about Saren's true intentions, and how he had betrayed not only the Council but all sentient beings when he allied with the Reapers. She left out the vital parts, of course, but by the end of her tale she felt satisfied that she had told them enough. Ashley died for a great cause, and they would never forget that.

Shepard rubbed the back of her neck and her eyes wandered to the floor. This was the part she hated the most- seeing their faces fall as the true meaning of the news hit them. Their shoulders slumped ever so slightly, their eyes stared unfocused into the dull beige carpet. Their mouths set in a grim line.

Another life, another death. Another story, but never anything more.

"Ashley was a good soldier. She was a good friend, too." Shepard said, trying to break the somber spell with memories of Ashley's finest qualities.

"But Kaidan was better." Sarah observed quietly.

There were few things in the world that could truly shock the Commander, but the bold words from the small teenager were nearly enough to catch her off guard. Shepard nodded a little, not knowing how else to respond. All eyes traveled to her, a million unanswered questions layered with grief waiting just beyond their sheltered eyes. She noticed a rigid tension return to their stances, the same stance that an animal adopts when it recognizes an enemy.

"I should go," Shepard said as she abruptly stood up and strode towards the door.

"I wish we could have met again on better circumstances, I truly do. Hopefully sometime in the future, we will." Shepard offered as she stepped out the door. It was more heartfelt than most of her farewells, but she felt that the Williams family deserved that much at least. Shepard walked the few feet back to the Mako, and returned to the Normandy.

"She didn't even apologize," Sarah said in a small but steady voice.

Sarah's mother looked at her with surprised eyes, "What are you talking about, dear? There was nothing she could have done."

Sarah's tiny hands fisted in her lap. "She might as well have killed her herself, and she didn't even say she was sorry!"

Sarah's mother reached over and took her daughter's trembling hands in her own. "Oh, honey, we're all upset, it's okay…"

Sarah shook her head, furious tears beginning to form in the corners of her eyes.

"I will never forgive her. Never."


	3. Chapter 3

Hello all!!

Here's chapter 3. I'm thinking maybe a few more chapters and this fic will be complete. But, who knows?? That all could change.

Hope y'all enjoy!!

Chapter 3

To the untrained eye, Commander Shepard was a ruthless, heartless, and therefore incredibly effective and well-trained soldier. To everybody she was a hero, someone who did whatever it took to achieve their goals and to succeed in their mission. She was a paragon of the entire human race, and a renegade to the entire galaxy. She established humans as a force among the more ancient and advanced alien species. She never flinched, even when being forced to take a human life. She bore her burdens with strength and grace, never showing the turmoil of emotions that raged within.

But Kaidan Alenko knew better.

It was true that she was talented and brave, incredibly intelligent, and also quite beautiful. She was the first human Spectre, but, after all, she was still human. He had noticed the way her eyes were downcast when she thought nobody would notice, and he had noticed the way her shoulders slumped after a long day on the job. He had noticed the way her eyes were always red and swollen the day after she had been forced to kill yet another innocent civilian.

He knew that Ashley's death had hit her particularly hard. He himself was having trouble coping, and he didn't have to deal with the rumors and accusations that were floating around, the most vicious of which claiming that Shepard might as well have pulled the trigger herself. He wanted to help her, but all he could do was simply stand by and perform the duties of a loyal Lieutenant. There were certain conducts that couldn't be breached within the military setting, as much as he wished they could be.

Kaidan's thoughts where a whirling storm as violent as his own work out. He punched the unfortunate punching bag with more vigor than usual, grateful (not for the first time) that the Normandy had been equipped with a small gym for the inhabitants to work off some steam. The only downside to this gym was the slightly cramped space, and the obnoxious rap music that supposedly helped "energize" people who worked out.

Kaidan sighed. He despised rap.

Kaidan heard the familiar whoosh as the door opened, held for a few moments, and then closed as somebody entered the small gym. Kaidan turned, his eyes landing on the notorious Commander Shepard herself.

"Shepard," he greeted her, "it's good to see you."

Shepard nodded, acknowledging his greeting. "I wanted to burn off some steam. I didn't know you were a fan of late night workouts."

Kaidan shrugged. "I go whenever the mood strikes. Sometimes the mood strikes at odd hours."

Shepard motioned towards the slightly dilapidated punching bag. "You mind if I go a round?"

"Go right ahead, ma'am," Kaidan moved to stand behind the punching bag, bracing it for the Commander.

Shepard stood in front of the bright red bag, sizing it up with her eyes, rolling her neck a couple of times as she prepared to assault the helpless object.

She put up her fists, ready to take it down.

"Um, Commander? Don't you want the gloves too? It's pretty rough on your knuckles if you don't use them." Kaidan noted.

The Commander responded with a vicious punch to the bag. It felt good to feel her own skin hitting the bag, instead of cushioned through a glove. It might mean that her knuckles were calloused and her hands were rough, but it made her stronger.

"I appreciate the concern, but I prefer it this way." Shepard noted.

Shepard delivered blow after blow, relishing the feeling of power flowing through her veins. The adrenaline pumped through her, her heart raced, and she felt so alive. It was like running through a battlefield, fighting for your life, knowing that any second could mean survival or total annihilation…

Shepard's right fist faltered for just a moment as she thought of all who would never feel this way again, those who would never feel the blessed rush of being alive. All because of her. All because of her stupid choices…

She punched even harder.

Kaidan noticed the change in her countenance as her thoughts began to wander. He had seen that look before- the haunted look that seemed to follow her everywhere, the ghosts that refused to just leave her.

"How are you holding up, Shepard?" Kaidan asked cautiously.

"Fine," She answered bitterly as she swung once again. Kaidan stumbled a little from the impact, but still held the punching bag with good resistance.

"That sure was a hard swing for someone who is 'fine,' Commander." Kaidan noted, still using caution.

"They all swung hard. They were all fighters. They were strong, maybe even stronger than I was!" The Commander nailed the bag with her hardest hit yet.

"Those colonists defended their home to the last man, and now none of them are left!"

PUNCH! Kaidan's footing almost gave way.

"Wrex was passionate and a fighter to the very end, and loyal to us, and how was he repaid?"

BAM! BAM!

"And Ashley… Ashley… God…"

Kaidan could see the tears forming in her eyes. Still she swung, desperate to release whatever emotions had been pent up for so long.

"All of them were fighers, all of them fought to the very end! But what good did it do them? All of them were wiped out, all of them are gone. I should have been better, I should have… I could have done better. Why didn't… Why couldn't I save them?"

Kaidan saw a flash of red, and in an instant realized that Shepard had pounded through the skin of her knuckles. His eyes widened in shock.

"Commander, you're bleeding! Stop!"

"Why should I? They didn't stop, not even when they were barely alive! Even with bullet wounds and broken legs and scarred faces, they didn't stop! They kept going, they knew the pain meant that they were still alive, and they'll never have that again! And who took that life from them?"

Kaidan stepped from behind the punching bag, using his forearms to defend himself against Shepard's lethal swings. He dropped his defense, however, and took a punch to the gut, using his arms instead to pull the now sobbing Shepard into his embrace.

"It's okay, Shep- it's okay, Jane. You did all that you could have done."

Shepard clung to him like a dying man at sea clings to a lifeboat. Stinging hot tears flowed down her face, soaking the black shirt that Kaidan was wearing. Her sobs came in great heaving breaths, and she had to take great gasps to breathe. It was so hard keeping all of her emotions inside all the time, it was so hard bearing this burden all by herself for so long.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm here for you, and I always will be." Kaidan whispered gently into her ear, stroking her hair and holding her closer than she'd ever been held in her entire life.

Finally Shepard got a grasp on her emotions again, her tears beginning to slow and her shuddering sobs dulling to small, quiet gasps. She took several deep breaths, calming her nerves.

"I couldn't let you die that day, Kaidan." Shepard began, her voice unsteady and unsure.

Kaidan looked down at her. "What do you mean?"

"I say that it's because you were the better soldier, but truly… Kaidan, I can't live without you. I couldn't let you die that day, no matter what the cost. No matter what…"

Kaidan held her even closer, he never wanted to let her go.

"I would have done the same for you, Jane. If faced with the choice… You are my Commander, my trusted friend, my life, my everything."

Shepard held him even closer, grateful for someone who would support her and care for her no matter what the future held. "It was the only choice I could make. It was the right choice, so why does it hurt like this? When will the hurting stop?"

Kaidan breathed deeply, stroking her hair and wishing with all his might that he had the power to send away the demons that plagued her at night. One day, however, the skies would clear and the demons would find someone else to haunt. Shepard was a strong woman, and he had every belief that she could get through everything.

"Only time will tell, Jane. Only time will tell."


	4. Chapter 4

Hello all,

Ready for more fanfiction?? Of course you are!!! Sorry about the long wait for this chapter, guys. School has just started back again and I'm working too, so I can't guarantee that I'll be really consistent with the updates. However, everyone's support means the world to me, and I really appreciate all the reviews. I will do the best I can to update despite the academic madness. Well, without further ado….

Chapter 4

So many things could happen in just five short years.

Shepard gazed at the third finger on her left hand, the golden band and accompanying diamond winking at her, as if daring her to blink lest it all disappear. Sometimes it all seemed like a dream, like it had flown by over the course of a fitful, sleepless night and would vanish when the dawn came. But it never did disappear, Shepard had finally achieved the life that seemed so far away when she was a small girl.

"Good morning," Kaidan said gently as he kissed the top of her head. He set the newspaper down on the breakfast table as he reached for a banana, snatching his wife's orange juice and chugging it on the way out the door.

"Hey, I was going to drink that! Get back here, you-"

"I need my strength for work! You know, shooting husks, saving the galaxy, you remember what it was like, right?" Kaidan joked.

Shepard scowled. "Of course I do. Now get to work before you're late again."

Kaidan flashed his million dollar smile, and, try as she might, Shepard couldn't scowl at that face for very long.

"See you when you get home, honey," Kaidan called as he left.

The large green door closed behind him, its bass echo followed by the soft pitter pattering of anxious footsteps.

"First day of school! First day of school! Mommy, mommy, it's the first day of school!"

Yes, five years could certainly change a lot of things.

"Faith, sweetie, did Daddy wake you up on time today?" Shepard asked.

"He sure did! He told me the story about when you and him went to Verm… Vermy… Verminerminire and saved the whole galaxy!" Faith flung her arms wide to express the infinite expanse of the galaxy.

"Yes, sweetie… we… we saved the galaxy that day." Shepard's eyes couldn't quite meet her daughter's enthusiastic ones. Even now, after all this time, she couldn't quite forget all the lives that had been lost. She had hoped that the passage would time would help dull the pain, and relieve the guilt.

It had done neither of those.

A car horn brought Shepard out of her introspection.

"The bus the bus the bus is here! Mommy the bus is here!" Faith hopped anxiously from foot to foot, her face elated with desire to bolt for the bright yellow vehicle.

"Okay, kiddo, be safe at school. Mommy loves you very much, and she always will." Shepard pulled her in for a hug, squeezing her tightly as she felt a few tears welling up in her eyes. Was it really her first day of school already?

"I love you too, mommy! I'll see you after school!" Faith stretched her little arms around Shepard's neck, and planted a kiss on her cheek.

Shepard walked outside with her daughter, watching her bound towards the other students with seemingly endless energy. Faith had no idea what her own parents had gone through to save the world, she only knew the fairy tale version of the story. The version where no lives had to be sacrificed and the leaders were always so sure of themselves.

She smiled to herself as she thought of herself as a child. She had that much energy at one point too, so ready to conquer the world and so driven to be the best. She only hoped that Faith's enthusiasm and endless energy wouldn't make her a target. She hoped it wouldn't draw unnecessary attention towards her, simply because Faith was Shepard's daughter.

Shepard shook her head and went back inside her average home after the yellow bus drove away. She wrung her hands after she shut the door behind her, leaning back against it for support. Her daughter would be perfectly safe at school, she knew that. But, even so, she couldn't shake all those years of military training… it was so hard to just hand her over to some school authority like that. It was so hard to just let her walk away.

Shepard jumped as she heard a knock on the door. She took a deep breath and quickly composed herself. She reached around her belt towards her pistol- it was still there. She hadn't had to use it in years, but she felt so vulnerable without it that she had just always carried it with her.

She swung open the door, her mouth falling open in surprise at the sight before her.

"Captain Anderson? What brings you here?"

The Captain had aged a few years since Shepard had seen him, but otherwise, nothing about him had really changed.

"Shepard, it's good to see you. Do you have a moment?"

"Of course, of course, come inside," Shepard recovered from her lapse in hospitality and stepped aside to let him enter. Hospitality still didn't come naturally to her, suspicion and caution were much more her style.

"Who would have thought that the infamous Commander Shepard would settle down in only five years?" Anderson mused to himself.

Shepard shrugged. "It was the right time, I guess. I will always be passionate about protecting the galaxy, but I wanted to start a family as well. I wasn't getting any younger, and the Normandy is no place to raise a little one."

Anderson nodded as he sank into an armchair. "Ah, yes. How is young Faith doing?"

Shepard grinned a little, the closest she ever got to actually smiling. "She's good, today was her first day of school." She wrung her hands a little, trying to disguise her anxious feelings.

Finally Shepard met Anderson's eyes and identified a serious undertone, one that she had become very familiar with over her years in service. "Anderson, you didn't just come here to make small talk, did you?"

Anderson sighed. "No, Shepard… there's something you need to know about. It's… it's about Ashley's sister, Sarah Williams."

Shepard's eyes widened in surprisefor the second time that day. "Sarah? Why is this about Sarah?"

"I could get in a lot of trouble for telling you this, since they're only rumors, but… people are saying that she still hasn't quite forgiven you for the incident on Virmire five years ago."

Shepard shrugged. "Well, I can hardly blame the girl. There are many people who feel that way. What makes her special?"

"Well, what makes her special is that she's the next candidate to be a Spectre."

"A Spectre, huh? Wow. Ashley would be so proud." Shepard noted, a twinge of nostalgia in her voice. Sarah would be only the second human to receive such an honor, the first human being Shepard herself. How could Sarah already be considered for Spectre status when Shepard hadn't even heard of her in the last five years?

Shepard shook her head. Retirement had put her out of the loop.

"It's only a rumor, but… If she were to be granted that privilege, then there'd be nothing to stop her from getting back to you. I doubt if it would go so far, but it always pays to be careful."

"Thanks, Captain, but I'm not in the military anymore. I don't live that life. The fighting, the killing, the blood, the massacres… I want to leave that all behind and just raise my family. I hope that Sarah will see that and will just leave us alone. However, if she doesn't, I will be ready. Thank you for your warning."

The Captain stayed for a few more moments, catching up with Shepard about old colleagues and life in general. He told stories of Joker's antics with the Normandy and the crew. He told her of the end of Tali's pilgrimage, and Liara's continued research on the Protheans. Shepard grew suddenly nostalgic for the people who had grown to be more than just members of her crew, who had grown to be her first true friends.

All too soon the Captain left and Shepard was alone with her own whirlwind of thoughts. Even in military retirement she couldn't escape her past. Even after all that time, people attached to those she killed were still hurting. She had sheltered Faith from the details of her career, knowing that she was too young to truly understand that it had to be done. She had protected her and kept her safe for her entire life. She had constructed peace for herself and her family after the war had left the world in ruins.

But how long could it last?


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I know it has been forever, and I apologize. Three jobs and full-time college have really caused my fanfic writing to take a backseat. But! I'm back. Here is a quick synopsis from previous chapters, since it has been so long:

Chapter 1 chronicled the events on Virmire when Ashley died. Chapter 2 followed Shepard as she visited Ashley's family to deliver news of her death, where she met Sarah, Ashley's younger sister. Five years pass and Shepard and Kaidan get married, and have a daughter named Faith. Sarah is a candidate to be a Spectre, and Faith has just left for her first day of school.

Now, without further ado, onto chapter 5…

Chapter 5

Commander Shepard had been told once that she didn't know the privilege of being a mother. A long time ago, that was true. She didn't know the joy of watching her own child grow and learn all by herself, watching her slowly discover the world a day at a time. She didn't comprehend the unending joy of seeing her little girl take knowledge that her parents had taught her, and build on it and learn things anew. Long ago, she had no idea how incredible it was just to be a mother. She had no concept of what it meant to love someone so fully and unconditionally.

She also didn't know the stress and anxiety of being a mother, either.

Her daughter's school bus was late. It was only late by ten minutes, which wouldn't be a cause for worry under normal circumstances. However, Captain Anderson's words regarding Sarah's promotion and her grudge against Shepard still rang in her ears. She knew she was being paranoid, but years of being in the military had trained her that being paranoid was better than being foolish and ending up dead. She just wanted to see her little girl again, she just wanted to know she was safe.

3:21. Eleven minutes late.

Shepard shook her head. She knew she was being ridiculous, but she couldn't help it. Faith was by no means a normal child, and could be a target for anyone. The school was aware of this and proper security measures had been taken, but Shepard knew that proper security measures could easily be overturned by superior firepower. She herself had overturned many securities that were considered impenetrable with nothing but two other soldiers, good weapons, and quick thinking.

3:22.

Maybe sending her to school at such a young age was a mistake. Shepard didn't want her little girl to grow up sheltered and far away from the world, but now she realized that it might be safer that way. They could always send her to school when she was older. Maybe Shepard could teach her a few self defense techniques in the years to come while homeschooling her. Maybe even tell her more about the true story of how they saved the world, and the true story of why many people, even now, despised their entire family…

At precisely 3:23, the phone rang.

Shepard's heart leaped into her throat at the jarring noise. In two quick strides she had reached the phone, picked it up, and answered with a slightly breathless tone.

"Hello?"

"Yes, Commander Shepard? This is principal Granger at the elementary school."

Shepard could nearly hear her heart pounding, could feel her knees getting weaker with every breath. She gripped the edge of a nearby table for support, bracing herself for the news.

"There's been an accident…"

Shepard sunk into a nearby chair without really acknowledging what she was doing. Her stomach was in knots, and her head began to throb. This couldn't be happening, not on the first day of school, surely she had left this life behind her when she retired…

Why couldn't Faith just have a normal life, when would Shepard's demons leave them all alone?

"Nobody was hurt, but the bus your daughter was on was rear-ended by a car. If you'd like to go pick her up, you're more than welcome, otherwise Faith will be a little later arriving home today."

Shepard let go of a breath she didn't even realize she had been holding, but that didn't relieve the unusual tension that had built up in her chest. It wasn't a direct attack on her child, it was simply a car accident. Surely it was a coincidence that the accident happened on the day she received the news about Sarah. Car accidents happened all the time.

Even so, she wasted no time grabbing her car keys and muttering a hasty "Thank you" towards the principal as she bolted out the door, not even thinking to lock the front door behind her.

XXXXXXXX

Shepard arrived at the scene of the accident within minutes. The bus was pulled over on the side of the road, the children all sitting nearby or going to their parents if they had already arrived. The bus driver, a stocky lady with incredibly bright red hair, was talking to an asari. The asari was apologizing over and over, so Shepard assumed she must have been the one who caused the accident.

It only took moments for Shepard to spot her daughter's characteristic jet black hair and brown eyes that she had inherited from her father. She sat obediently with the other children, but when she saw her mother, a huge smile broke on her face and she sprinted over to her, a wild mass of black curls flying behind her.

"Mommy mommy we got in a wreck it was SO COOL! We were driving and then there was a SCREEEECH and then BAM! All the kids were screaming and it was SO COOL can we do it again?"

Shepard sighed. Her child was far too much of a thrill seeker, perhaps due to the fact that both of her parents were also fearless thrill seekers back in their day.

Shepard scanned her daughter for any injuries, but she appeared to be perfectly fine. More than fine, it seemed her adrenaline had kicked in and she was running at 110%. Her eyes shone with the rush of adventure and danger.

"Sweetie, are you okay? You're not hurt, are you? Does anything feel funny?" Shepard habitually began checking her vitals. Faith's pulse was speedy but not unusually so, and her eyes were still focused at a normal level.

"Mommy I feel fine! Can we do it again?" Faith jumped up and down in anticipation.

Shepard chuckled just a little bit. "No, sweetie, not today. However I'm sure when you're a teenager you'll see your fair share of these, if you inherited any of my driving skills."

Faith looked positively delighted at the prospect of more accidents in her future. Shepard couldn't help but be just a little nervous about her complete fearlessness.

Faith yawned, the excitement of the day catching up with her despite her best attempts to hold it at bay.

"What do you say we get you home, kiddo? You look exhausted. Mommy will make cookies while daddy tells you a bedtime story, okay?"

Even Faith's seemingly endless energy had no defense against the lure of cookies and bedtime stories. "Mmkay," She muttered as she slipped her small hand into Shepard's.

Shepard walked away from the scene of the accident, desperately wishing that this would be the last she would hear about any accidents for a long time.

XXXXXXX

At the height of Shepard's career, nothing could compare to flying the Normandy at top speeds through a Mass Relay. The gut-wrenching yank of the sudden transport was an absolute adrenaline rush. She thought she had the greatest life of anybody, to be able to travel like that. She believed that she had found the most exhilarating and rewarding pastime to ever exist.

Making cookies, she discovered, was almost just as cool.

Shepard anxiously watched as the little chocolate chip pieces melted ever-so-slightly underneath the searing heat of the oven, the edges of the cookies turning the slightest hint of brown as they began to crisp. A heavenly aroma wafted through the house, defusing any lingering stress from the day. Shepard squinted her eyes at the little cookies, willing them to cook faster.

"You know, frying them with your intense gaze won't help them to actually cook faster." Kaidan pointed out from his seat on the couch.

"We could just eat them raw…" Shepard mused out loud.

Kaidan chuckled to himself, beckoning to his wife to come sit with him. "I'm about to tell Faith a story. You can come listen and maybe get your mind off of those cookies."

Faith's attention snapped from her stuffed animal to her father when she heard her name and "story" used in the same sentence. She crawled from her location on the floor up into Kaidan's lap, waiting anxiously for his story to begin.

Shepard cast one last longing glance at her cookies, and moved to join her husband and daughter on the couch. Kaidan began to tell the tale of Captain Anderson, and how he had gotten the Normandy out of the lockdown at the Citadel. It was the kid-friendly version, of course, but it still held Faith's attention. Kaidan's stories always managed to mesmerize her.

Shepard closed her eyes and simply listened to her husband's voice as it filled every nook and cranny of their house. Her daughter's sporadic giggles and exclamations at the antics within the story brought a smile to her face. As the scent of dinner and cookies lingered in the air, and a fire burning in the fireplace warmed them, Shepard found herself appreciating once again the life that she had. Finally she wasn't running from place to place, spending the night in dingy alleyways and abandoned houses. She had dreamed of this since she was young, since she had spent her first night on a cold sidewalk. She had resolved to make a name for herself, so that one day she could have her own house, her own life…

She had never imagined she'd be so incredibly lucky that she would be able to share it with the people who meant the most to her.

Shepard sighed contentedly. She had everything she'd ever wanted, right here.

It wasn't long before the oven timer went off, indicating that the cookies were done. Faith and Shepard sprung with equal speed, Shepard being slightly more graceful, and raced towards the oven.

"COOKIES COOKIES COOKIES!"Faith exclaimed as she waved her arms in the air.

"COOKIES COOKIES COOKIES!" Shepard exclaimed, frighteningly similar to her daughter.

"Don't burn yourself again, honey," Kaidan warned from the couch. He hoped he would never fall victim to whatever spell chocolate had managed to cast on the female members of his family.

Shepard gingerly pulled out the pan of sizzling cookies, releasing a wave of heat as she opened the oven door. The scent of baking cookies that had previously only been a slight draft in the house quickly filled the room. Shepard set the cookies down on the counter, trying to balance the pan while keeping her excited daughter from burning herself. She gingerly scooped a few sizzling hot cookies off of the pan, breaking a few of the more gooey ones in the process. She brought the plate of cookies over to the couch, her daughter bouncing behind her every step.

Faith fearlessly leaped onto the couch, ruffling a few cushions when she landed on her stomach. She crawled over to her father's lap, contentedly plopping herself in his embrace. Shepard sat down with her family, handing a cookie to her daughter while picking a slightly more chocolatey one for herself. She bit into the delectable morsel, the bite melting in her mouth as she chewed. She listened to her husband's soothing voice as his words weaved the story for his captive daughter, and wondered if her life could possibly get any better than it was right now.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I forgot to ask you how work was today," Shepard pointed out from her perch on their bed.

"Same old stuff," Kaidan mused as he moved towards her. "Saving the galaxy. Ridding the world of political corruption. Gossip about the new Spectre."

Shepard perked at this last bit of information. "The new Spectre? What have you heard about that?"

Kaidan shrugged. "I don't know how much of this is accurate, but it's currently a race among three candidates. There's Sarah Williams, you remember her, her connection to you through Ashley serves her well. There's Captain Anderson, also a very strong candidate. And then general Hackett too. The Council will have a tough decision to make."

"Anderson didn't tell me he was a candidate!" Shepard exclaimed.

Kaidan furrowed his brow. "Anderson? When did you see him?"

"He came by the house today after Faith left for school. He told me… he told me that Sarah still hasn't forgiven me for what happened on Virmire. Not that I can blame her…" Shepard's eyes darkened as memories from that day came flooding back.

Kaidan knew the look on his wife's face well. He firmly yet gently gripped her shoulders, looking her in the eye until she looked back at him.

"Hey. We did what we had to do, okay? We saved millions of lives. Always remember that the lives lost would have been considerably greater if we hadn't made sacrifices along the way."

Shepard nodded, her doubts still not completely alleviated by her husband's comforting words. She wondered if anyone would ever truly be able to take those fears and haunted memories away. However, before Kaidan was here, there was nobody. She was truly thankful to have him in her life, to carry these burdens with her. To fight the burning pang of loneliness and guilt with her.

"I love you, you know that?" Shepard said as she tilted her head to the side, peering into the depths of his eyes.

Kaidan smirked and chuckled a little bit. "I love you too. I always will. You are my entire life, my whole world. I will never leave you, I'll be by your side forever, no matter what happens."

Shepard absolutely beamed at his words. Even now, he knew exactly what to say to make her heart soar.

"Get over here and kiss me," Shepard commanded, her husband wasting no time in appeasing her wish.

Shepard was so caught up in the moment that she didn't even notice that the number of items on her nightstand less than a foot away had changed. There was a rectangle of clean hardwood on her nightstand, surrounded by dust. Two picture frames stood beside it, but a third frame that had stood in the middle was nowhere to be found, the surrounding dust the only indicator that it was ever there.


End file.
